Monday, 23 November 2015

Fresh Start, Its Monday again

So today is Monday, fresh new start to the week, and always open for so much potential. I spent the weekend pretty much taking it vegging out. With my upcoming work schedule for the next couple of weeks, I wanted to take the time to slow things down a pace while I could. I picked up my knitting needles this week and it feels good to actually make something that I actually like and would give to someone. Third toque started, hopefully finish it tonight and start on my next project.
Today is Day#1 no drinking. It has to be, I'm so tired of all this.
I drank my regular bottle of Fronterra last night. I of course had to finish the weekend off with a bang, because not drinking on a Sunday would be unheard of. Don't particularly recall going to bed. A mixture of too much wine, tired from the night before and the unwillingness for the weekend to end I suspect. I've been reading other people's blogs, its definitely keeping it forefront on my mind.
Here are a few reasons why I have to stop drinking;
~I just want to have a clear sleep. and wake up with a clear head.
~ I want my mind & body to heal. I want to know what it feels like to be healthy inside and out. I don't remember if I even know what that feels like. 
~I want to have a baby! We are having troubles conceiving. Hands down I know this is the exact reason why we aren't getting pregnant. How selfish is that? I pushed away the thought of it being the reason for so long. I know its true.
~ I need to pay off the debts I owe. I work hard to make money, but I'm just as quick to spend it on a bottle on the way home.
~I want to put my husband at ease, and make him proud of me for quitting. I know he knows I have a problem. He's too nice about it and won't directly say anything, only small comments here and there. I know he would be supportive, he wouldn't say a word if I asked him not to, but I just can't tell him I have a problem and need help. I'm embarrassed.
~ I want family and friends to see me as a non-drinker. I've been the drinker for way too long.
~ I want to loose a few extra pounds that I've been carrying. I think of them as beer fat. I eat really great, but counteract it by drinking too much at night.
~ I don't want something to have so much control over me. It's seriously like when I used to smoke. You are constantly thinking about it all the time. I used to say it was a mind suck and a mind fuck! You think about if you have enough,  when you have to get more, which store haven't you shopped at recently to deviate people thinking you have a problem, what time you can drink again, thinking about the next event you are going to drink at. Hell, trying all day to keep on the right track of not drinking that day, but only wanting to drink more because you thought about drinking all day. It's exhausting.
I'm exhausted!!!
I'm going to keep reading these blogs for the afternoon.
Day#1 Be strong!

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